;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;; Endings ;;; ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;; Classes (defclass () (accused :type :initarg :accused :accessor accused) (true-ending :type :initarg :true-ending :accessor true-ending) (false-ending :type :initarg :false-ending :accessor false-ending)) ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;; Globals (define *ending* empty) ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;; Implementation (defmethod (initialize (end ) inp) (call-next-method) (set! *ending* (cons end *ending*))) (make :accused chr:dexter :true-ending (echos "Dexter takes a swig from his bottle. \" Yeah i did it. Me" "and him, Bill Gates. I was sitting over here, and we were" "talking, and he wouldn't buy my company, and shit, ever saw" "that thing in, what was it, Pulp Fiction? Where Samuel L." "Jackson says that thing? How does it go? Um... yeah." "Something about the righteous and the tyranny of evil men" "and my name is God and... Christ, I'm drunk.\"" :n :n "Ralph finally speaks. \"You killed Bill Gates?\"" :n :n "\"Yeah, it was pretty easy too, he didn't put up no fight" "or nuthin... uh... whoah.\"" :n :n "Dexter finishes his bottle and looks around, acting" "a bit confused. \"Alright, ol' Dexter, get a grip..." "get a grip... damn this is strong stuff...\"" :n :n "He staggers a bit and looks at his shoes. He says in a" "loud, drunken, slurred voice while clumsily clicking his" "heels \"There's no place like a hot tub and a cold beer..." "There's no place like a hot tub and a cold beer... There's" "no place like a hot tub and a cold beer... damn, I can't" "believe that didn't work...\"" :n :n "The cops arrive and restrain Dexter. \"Alright, theory-boy," "let's go.\" Ada looks on, a single tear rolling down" "her cheek.") :false-ending (echos "Dexter starts to laugh. \"Me? Heck no, but I sure wish" "I were the one! I don't know who did it but I'd sure" "like to meet whoever did. Drinks all around, boys! And" "you too, Ada, my sweet.\"" :n :n "Ada responds \"I'm not your sweet, but I could use a good" "drink anyway.\" She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek" "and looks innocently." :n :n "Dexter cheerfully pours her one. \"You sure could, toots!" "My place tomorrow at 9, right?\"" :n :n "\"Hot tub?\" asks Ada." "\"If you're an accept state, I'm your input token\" says" "Dexter with an wicked grin." :n :n "\"I'm going to show you some 19th-century hospitality\"" "says Ada." :n :n "Dexter pours drinks for everyone present. You realize that" "he's far too relaxed, easy-going, and generally too piss-drunk" "to have done anything.")) (make :accused chr:brandon :true-ending (echos "Brandon's large furrow eyebrows come together. \"Very" "well.\" His deep voice booming and matching the sound of" "the air-conditioner vibrating behind. \"I cannot tell a lie.\"" :n :n "\"But Brandon, *hic* why? Killing your own master. How" "uncivil. *hic*\" Dexter asks as he takes another swig" "of the cheap tequila." :n :n "Large drops of tears well up above Brandon's ruddy cheeks." "\"He.. he made me serve him coffee everyday. When I tried" "to introduce new features to Outlook.. he.. he dismissed" "them contemptously, saying that they were too Linux-like.\"" "Huge sobs shudder through the massive Alaskan frame." "\"I.. I wasn't allowed to live up to my full potential!" "Oh, the horror.\"" :n :n "Ada moves towards Brandon, fingers placatingly on his" "windows 2000 sweatshirt, \"Poor boy. Look at the bright" "side, you can use all the time in jail to solve" "np-complete problems.\"" :n :n "Ralph laughs sinisterly as the Cornell police come to" "drag Brandon out. \"Now, I shall shine forth in this" "world! Muahahah.\"") :false-ending (echos "Brandon looks at you funny. \"What?\"" :n :n "Jeff starts laughing. Eli starts laughing as well, and soon" "everyone joins in the laughter." :n :n "Over the din Jeff says \"Don't you know? Brandon works for" "Microsoft. Now, if Linus Torvalds were murdered, that would" "be different, but - \"" :n :n "Everyone resumes laughing.")) (make :accused chr:jeff :true-ending (echos "Jeff stutters briefly. \"Um... er... yeah...\"" :n :n "Eli looks at him. \"So, ah, you did it? You killed" "Bill Gates?\"" :n :n "\"So, did you read the post on the newsgroup?\" asks Jeff." :n :n "Everyone looks around. \"Um... no\" says Brandon." :n :n "\"He posted binaries to a non-binaries group. His .sig" "was also 26 lines long. That was some pretty disturbed" "stuff. So, um, I had to terminate his process.\"" :n :n "Dexter laughs, takes a swig from his bottle, and declares" "\"Jeff... dude, that's disturbed!\"" :n :n "Jeff laughs an uneasy laugh. \"Do you know how hard it is" "to terminate root @ Microsoft?\"" :n :n "Ada looks at Jeff. \"Awww, you poor geek...\" She winks" "seductively. \"I guess we won't be seeing you tomorrow" "at Dexter's?\"" :n :n "Jeff declares \"Whoa... Um... no... that's, um, really" "disturbed. I need to get out of here.\"" :n :n "The cops come and haul Jeff away.") :false-ending (echos "Jeff looks at you. \"Um... no... that would be seriously" "disturbed.\" He seems mildly amused with the idea." :n :n "Meanwhile, Dexter is rolling on the floor laughing his ass off." :n :n "Eli points and says \"Does this look like a murderer to you?\"" :n :n "Jeff says \"Me as a murderer would be very disturbed.\"" :n :n "\"Aww, Jeff, you could never hurt anyone\" says Ada." "She slides up beside him and licks her lips. \"So, are" "you still coming with us to Dexter's tomorrow night?" "It'll be fun. Really, really fun...\" she said," "smiling devilishly." :n :n "\"Um... uh... um... no. That's disturbed\" replied Jeff," "looking decidedly uncomfortable." :n :n "looking decidedly uncomfortable." :n :n "\"Um... uh... disturbed... uh... I go read news now\" said" "Jeff as he hurried off to find a computer." :n :n "You realize now that Jeff doesn't have what it takes to" "murder a billionaire tycoon in cold blood.")) (make :accused chr:ralph :true-ending "Ralph says, \"Yup, I did it.\"" :false-ending (echos "\"So, you did it?\" asks Brandon." :n :n "\"No\" declares Ralph." :n :n "\"Should we believe him?\" asks Jeff." :n :n "Ada replies \"Well, he may be quiet most of the time, but" "tonight he was quite frisky...\"" :n :n "Ralph does not respond. He seems mildly annoyed with the" "thought that he could be the murderer." :n :n "Ada explains to everyone \"He's not the murderer. He was -" "oh, how can I put this delicately - otherwise occupied at" "the time.\" She winks at Ralph. He does not notice.")) (make :accused chr:eli :true-ending (echos "Eli looks at you and speaks. [Hebrew cursing] \"So," "I speak with this Bill Gates, and I show him the emacs," "and then he goes off about this Visual Studio and how" "great it is and everything. Now, that is not so bad, but" "then he says how the open source will never do anything" "good and people should pay for software and how," "eh, emacs sucks, yada, yada\"" :n :n "Jeff looks at him. \"So what did you do about it?\"" :n :n "Eli looks at everyone with an evil grin. \"You Amerikans." "Your country is so violent and there is violence on TV," "and people killing, and so me, I spent years in the Israeli" "army, so I just took that thing you have there and killed him." "[more Hebrew cursing] I suppose now your cops, they come and" "take me away and put me in jail, yeah?\"" :n :n "Jeff says \"That's disturbed...\"" :n :n "A few minutes later the cops arrive and haul Eli" "away to the slammer.") :false-ending (echos "\"Me, ah, no, why would I murder Gates? You Amerikans, you" "all alike, a violent and decadent country and you just sit" "all day and watch your TV and you believe everything they" "tell you and think these crazy conspiracies... bah!\"" :n :n "\"But you are big and scary\" said Brandon." :n :n "\"Aw, he's not scary, he's cute and cuddly. Aren't you," "my little squish puppy?\" said Ada." :n :n "\"See, Ada, she understand, she's British and not one of" "you people\" responds Eli." :n :n "You realize that if Eli had done it, he would have" "gleefully claimed responsibility for it in the name" "of emacs. But he hasn't.")) (make :accused chr:ada :true-ending (echos "Ada whirls around and looks at everyone and smiles." "\"Not bad for having been gone for a hundred or so years," "non?\" She laughs an uneasy laugh." :n :n "Brandon asks \"So, why did you do it?\"" :n :n "She gets an animated look in her eyes. \"When Babbage" "and I started work on the Analytic Engine, we saw a world" "where Machines would serve Man, where the computer would" "be used for the betterment of all. But Gates has corrupted" "this vision. He has taken the power that was meant for all" "of mankind to enjoy, and has twisted it into his own engine" "for personal gain and profit. I came back from the dead" "and across over a hundred years for a reason, and I have" "found it. Gates must not be allowed to crush the last" "vestige of software freedom! He must be stopped!\"" :n :n "Everyone looks on in stunned silence as she continues on," "even as the cops arrive and haul her out as she was" "screaming \"Down with Bill Gates and Microsoft! Viva" "la penguinistas! Linux forever!\"") :false-ending (echos "Ada looks at you quizzically. \"That's a charming thought," "but I've been working on Babbage most of the day. I've" "barely even heard of Gates.\"" :n :n "Brandon looks at her and asks \"Working on Babbage the" "computer in CSUG, or working with Babbage, your colleague?\"" :n :n "Ada winks seductively and says \"Working on Babbage." "On Babbage.\"" :n :n "Dexter takes a swig from his bottle and starts laughing."))