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CAST & CREW
Robert John Burke, Sarah Polley, Helen Mirren
Directed by Hal Hartley
more...
SYNOPSIS
Everyone says there's no such thing as a monster. What if they were wrong? Renowned director Hal Hartley poses that question in United Artists Films / American Zoetrope's production of No Such Thing, a modern fairy tale about a kind, sensitive beauty and her horrific, tortured beast. more...
MPAA RATING
R, For Language and Brief Violence
RUNTIME
1 hour, 43 minutes
RELEASE DATES
Theatrical: Mar 29, 2002
Video: Jul 9, 2002
RELEASE COMPANY
MGM/UA
GENRE
Dramas, Fantasy, Monsters, Reporters
OFFICIAL SITE
• The Official No Such Thing Site
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PARENTS EVALUATION
TRAILER & MEDIA
PHOTOS
PRODUCTION NOTES
SUBMIT/EDIT ARTICLE
SUBMIT USER REVIEW
FORUM
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 "No Such Thing is sort of a minimalist Beauty and the Beast, but in this case the Beast should definitely get top billing. Robert John Burke as The Monster horns in and steals the show."
-- Staci Layne Wilson, FANTASTICA DAILY
 "Laced with liberal doses of dark humor, gorgeous exterior photography, and a stable-full of solid performances, No Such Thing is a fascinating little tale."
-- Scott Weinberg, DVD CLINIC
"It's the kind of pigeonhole-resisting romp that Hollywood too rarely provides."
-- David Sterritt, CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR
"It's not a particularly good film, but neither is it a monsterous one."
-- Dennis Schwartz, OZUS' WORLD MOVIE REVIEWS
"So unique and stubborn and charismatic that you want it to be better and more successful than it is."
-- Chuck Rudolph, MATINEE MAGAZINE
"It's Splash without the jokes."
-- Christopher Null, FILMCRITIC.COM
"The whole is quite entertaining, but despite its virtues, there is an unsettled feeling to the film."
-- Andy Klein, NEW TIMES
"I’m sure if you’re a Hartley fan, you might enjoy yourself... Me, I didn’t care for it."
-- David Cornelius, AMAZING COLOSSAL WEBSITE
"A stirring, funny and finally transporting re-imagining of Beauty and the Beast and 1930s horror films"
-- Jason Clark, MATINEE MAGAZINE
"An off-beat and fanciful film about the human need for monsters to blame for all that is amiss in the world."
-- Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat, SPIRITUALITY AND HEALTH
"Constantly slips from the grasp of its maker."
-- Rod Armstrong, REEL.COM
"Only the most dyed-in-the-wool Hartley fans will find this monster a ball."
-- E! ONLINE
-- Click to read the article.
-- FILM JOURNAL INTERNATIONAL
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"Hartley adds enough quirky and satirical touches in the screenplay to keep the film entertaining."
-- Ed Scheid, BOXOFFICE MAGAZINE
"For a guy who has waited three years with breathless anticipation for a new Hal Hartley movie to pore over, No Such Thing is a big letdown."
-- Oz, HOLLYWOOD BITCHSLAP
"Like the world of his film, Hartley created a monster but didn’t know how to handle it."
-- Kevin N. Laforest, APOLLO GUIDE
"Little more than a stylish exercise in revisionism whose point ... is no doubt true, but serves as a rather thin moral to such a knowing fable."
-- Ken Fox, TV GUIDE'S MOVIE GUIDE
"The Christ allegory doesn't work because there is no foundation for it"
-- Laura Clifford, REELING REVIEWS
"No Such Thing breaks no new ground and treads old turf like a hippopotamus ballerina."
-- Bill Chambers, FILM FREAK CENTRAL
"On a cutting room floor somewhere lies...footage that might have made No Such Thing a trenchant, ironic cultural satire instead of a frustrating misfire."
-- Rob Blackwelder, SPLICEDWIRE
"It's a film with an idea buried somewhere inside its fabric, but never clearly seen or felt."
-- Jeffrey M. Anderson, SAN FRANCISCO EXAMINER
"The way in which Hartley has conceived and then executed the story will leave most viewers feeling nothing but confusion, boredom and anger for wasting their time on cinematic drivel such as this."
-- SCREEN IT!
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ROTTEN 29%
Avg. Rating: 5.3/10 |
"No Such Thing may be far from perfect, but those small, odd Hartley touches help you warm to it."
-- Stephanie Zacharek, SALON.COM
"Laggard drama wending its way to an uninspired philosophical epiphany."
-- Megan Turner, NEW YORK POST
"Plodding, peevish and gimmicky."
-- Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE
"Tender yet lacerating and darkly funny fable."
-- Kevin Thomas, LOS ANGELES TIMES
"I watched the brainless insanity of No Such Thing with mounting disbelief."
-- Rex Reed, NEW YORK OBSERVER
"The script kicks in, and Mr. Hartley's distended pace and foot-dragging rhythms follow."
-- Elvis Mitchell, NEW YORK TIMES
"Everything's serious, poetic, earnest and -- sadly -- dull."
-- Desson Howe, WASHINGTON POST
"By the end of No Such Thing the audience, like Beatrice, has a watchful affection for the monster."
-- Ann Hornaday, WASHINGTON POST
"Flaccid drama and exasperatingly slow journey."
-- Kirk Honeycutt, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER
"Too intensely focused on the travails of being Hal Hartley to function as pastiche, No Such Thing is Hartley's least accessible screed yet."
-- Mark Holcomb, VILLAGE VOICE
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Click to read the article.
-- FILM THREAT
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* Who are the Approved Tomatometer Critics?
* Mouse over a tomato icon for a publication's original rating. Original rating not available for every publication.
* In fairness to critics whose last name begins with a letter at the end of the alphabet, certain pages are sorted in reverse order, z-a.
* Certain "No Such Thing" article data provided by the Movie Review Query Engine.
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