i really wanted to like dude , where's my car ? after a week of deadlines , dead time , and dead emotions , i needed a goofy movie to revive me . so , imagine my horror as i sat alone in the cavernous theater , trying to muster a chuckle or a titter . ornery ostriches didn't do the trick . neither did a transsexual stripper , a pot-smoking dog or an appearance by fabio . there is a place for movies like dude , where's my car ? -- national lampoon's animal house , blazing saddles , tommy boy , etc . when they work . and when that happens , i'm on a cinematic high for weeks . i still smile whenever i hear the phrase " double secret probation . " in the case of the silly comedies that fail , it's like watching a guy slip on a banana peel . it might be funny the first time , but how about the fiftieth time ? unfortunately , dude has crates full of bananas , and it's ultimately doomed -- just like its two main characters , jesse and chester ( ashton kutcher and seann william scott , respectively ) , doper roommates with a major problem . after a wild night of partying with chester , jesse can't find his car the next day . the two friends don't even have a clue as to what happened the night before . the boys soon embark on a madcap adventure to find jesse's car . in their odyssey , they gradually learn about last night's events , which included strippers , buff aliens , and tattoos . jesse and chester also discover that they are now responsible for the fate of the universe . bummer . i know a movie like dude is geared for brainless laughs , but shouldn't some thought have been invested in making it ? the movie survives solely on the aforementioned wacky antics , which turns dude into a feat of endurance that would fatigue a marathon runner . there's no break from the goofball proceedings . screenwriter philip stark and director danny leiner don't give us a single character with any wit or subtlety . watching dude is like viewing a parade of the hackneyed characters of movies past . there are stoned morons , sympathetic girlfriends , bullying jocks , super-intense space nerds , and the soulful black pizza owner ( from the last dragon , of course ) . as for jesse and chester , they might be the first characters in movie history without a working cerebrum . it would have been funnier if these guys were smart , so they could sarcastically comment on their absurd situation . but scott and kutcher are given little more to do than say " shibby " and " sweet " in a frat-boy cadence . . . and then break things . and that's a shame , because i like both of these guys . kutcher is a dopey highlight on the fox sitcom that '70s show , and scott with his prankster grin was a big reason why american pie was my favorite movie last year . in dude , their scenes induce empathetic winces , instead of laughs . i wish i could say something glowing about this mess , and i wish i had an idea of why people are seeing it . my guess is it's either an indication that 2000 was truly a terrible year for movies , or it could be a genuine sign of the apocalypse . 
