i'll start by saying up front that i really don't admire bette midler . i find her loud , hammy , a bit trashy , and generally obnoxious in every way . oddly , this instantly qualifies her to play novelist jacqueline susann , who was loud , hammy , a bit trashy , and generally obnoxious in every way . if the name susann doesn't ring a bell , it's because you're too young . " jackie " was a washed-up actress and radio star when she penned her first novel , the valley of the dolls , which went on to become , at its time , the biggest selling novel ever . why ? in the late 60's the tale of drugs and lurid sex against the backdrop of hollywood was shocking . now , it's quite tepid , and so is this film , exploring susann's rise to fame . and fame is what our jackie was after . she was what you might even call a fame whore . she prays to a tree for fame . after getting cancer , she bargains with god for ten more years of life so she can have more fame . kids , this is not a role model . with the movie's tagline " talent isn't everything , " our heroes hope to inspire the wretches of the earth to greatness , by showing that even a loud , hammy , trashy , and generally obnoxious in every way person can become a star with a little luck and grunt work . but susann/midler is so gratingly awful , not only when it comes to talent , but also as a person , it's impossible to relate to the character . oh , and this is a comedy . you might think a comedy would really blow if the lead is dying of cancer . oh , and how it blows . i smiled maybe once during this film , and what with jokes like " table for three : two adults and one gentile , " how can you blame me ? everything from the opening credits to burt bacharach's tinny score is just plain bad . that said , i was stunned to hear the laughter of our baby boomer-heavy audience throughout this film . maybe it worked for them , but boy did it fail for me . frankly i would have preferred to go beyond the valley of the dolls . 
