written and directed by guy ferland based on a short story by robert coover starring alicia silverstone , jeremy london , j . t . walsh rated r ( contains violence , profanity , and brief nudity ) 90 minutes synopsis : a small town thug convinces a dimwitted high-school student to spy on his girlfriend , who is babysitting three unruly kids for their alcoholic parents on a friday night . while this is going on , the thug , the father , the boyfriend , and a kid reaching the onset of puberty all have fantasies about the babysitter . comments : to say this movie is bad would be quite an understatement . i'm not sure what writer and director ferland was hoping to accomplish with the babysitter . suspense ? family drama ? humor ? erotica ? elements of each of these genres exist in the film , yet it fails to successfully achieve any of them . instead , the babysitter is a dull , lifeless movie which manages to bore and ultimately irritate its viewers . i suppose this film could have been watchable if it weren't for the fact that the characters are universally unappealing . alicia silverstone is completely wasted playing jennifer , the babysitter . her character has absolutely no depth at all , and her sole purpose in the movie is to be the object of the other characters' fantasies . everyone else in the film seems to be in a competition to see who can stoop to the lowest level by the time the film ends . the parents are alcoholics who become increasingly obnoxious as the movie proceeds . the father ( played by j . t . walsh ) fantasizes about the babysitter ; the mother fantasizes about her husband's best friend . none of these fantasy sequences , trust me , are things that need to be seen , but we see them anyway , complete with cheesy , make-out saxophone music . the thug , in the meantime , proves that he's evil through his annoying habit of smashing half-empty beer bottles all of a sudden and for no apparent reason . the most absurd character , however , is the babysitter's boyfriend who seems catatonically brain-dead . the thug , in a manipulative , iago-like manner ( though he doesn't really need to try hard ) , manages to talk the boyfriend into binge-drinking , smoking grass , running away from cops , and playing peeping tom on his own girlfriend in a matter of minutes . incredible ! ( of course , the boyfriend's original plan for the evening was , try not to laugh , to sit in an empty diner and read catcher in the rye by j . d . salinger . ) if the goal of the babysitter was to be suspenseful , then it fails . there are surprisingly few tense moments in this film , and nearly all of them come at the final minute . by that time , however , the audience is so tired of the inane characters that no one truthfully cares what happens to any of them . no suspense occurs in the dream sequences either because every single one of them is obviously a dream sequence from its inception . if the goal of the babysitter was to be humorous , then it also fails . i found nothing even remotely funny about the boozing parents who seemed , at times , to be played for laughs . if the goal of the babysitter was to be dramatic , then , once again , it fails . the characters are one-dimensional and uninteresting . finally , if the goal of the babysitter was to be titillating ( the type of film destined to be played ad infinitum on hbo at 2 in the morning ) , then it fails as well . the dream sequences aren't erotic ; they are too brief and , outside of one very short scene , contain no nudity . i can't completely trash this movie . the first 10 minutes or so vaguely resemble an interesting film , and the conclusion sports a halfway decent fistfight . the other 79 minutes , though , are a drag . silverstone's character , at the end of the movie , turns to her boyfriend and asks " what were you thinking ? " i asked myself the same question , having spent 99 cents renting this turkey . 
