anywhere but here ? a more apt title you will not find on a motion picture this decade . after a witty lead like that , at this point in the movie review , i usually launch into a brief plot synopsis . so here goes : a down-to-earth teenage girl hates her crazy mother . if you're waiting for more , you can stop holding your breath . in a nutshell , that's it . sure , there are some details ( the two move from wisconsin to beverly hills ) – okay , there is * a * detail – but someone really tried to make a movie out of this * shocking * premise . so maybe you think there's something to be salvaged by the two big-name actresses headlining the picture . well , there's sarandon as the nutty and irresponsible mom , played in one full dimension and with sarandon looking indistinguishable from leslie ann warren . or there's the pouty portman , in what will go down as the most forgettable role she's ever played . but the worst failing of anywhere but here is the utter lack of any sort of plot . for two hours , we drag through one boring and random tragedy after another . the characters never change , the film never matures . it's excruciating to watch . i mean , what is this movie supposed to be about ? an aging woman's midlife crisis ? the struggle of a teenager who finds herself playing parent to the real mother ? outcasts in beverly hills ? all of this has been done , and occasionally it's been done well . but anywhere but here takes these three movies and runs them straight into the ground . anywhere but here is so bad that if i wasn't a film critic , i would have left the theater in the first 45 minutes . but as a professional , i knew i would have had to see the last half sometime . the prospect of that , well , the mind reels , the stomach turns , and the ass revolts . 
