director :   ivan reitman cast :   harrison ford , anne heche , david schwimmer , jacqueline obradors , temuera morrison , danny trejo screenplay :   michael browning producers :   roger birnbaum , wallis nicita , ivan reitman runtime :   us distribution :   hollywood pictures rated pg-13 :   language , adult themes by nathaniel r . atcheson ( <a href= " mailto : nate@pyramid . net " >nate@pyramid . net</a> ) movies like six days , seven nights make me mad because talented people like harrison ford , anne heche , and ivan reitman put a lot of hard work in to a script worth about ten cents .   the script was written by michael browning , and he decided that , instead of thinking up new ideas , he'd rehash a lot of cliches , omit even the slightest bit of character development , and then throw in drug-dealing pirates to provide for a few high-level action sequences and explosions .   there are good scripts out there that high-profile actors can make ( see the truman show , for instance ) .   six days , seven nights is simply a waste . let's see . . . we have to get harrison ford and anne heche alone on an island .   so , how do we do that ?   well , we'll make her a feisty magazine editor , and we'll make him a crusty old pilot .   but wait , she has to have a fiancée ; that can be david schwimmer .   but wait , if she has a fiancée , how will she and harrison ford crash on the island alone ?   i know !   they'll get to their vacation spot , and then she'll get called back !   yessssss !   so , they'll crash on the island , and that will be funny for about five minutes .   shucks . oh , i've got it !   we'll throw in a distracting subplot in which her fiancée has sex with a really attractive woman who acts like a bimbo , and then he can feel guilty .   then , when anne heche kisses harrison ford ( they have to kiss , because otherwise nobody will want to see the movie ) , it will be a vindicated action , because her fiancée will already have cheated on her !   then , for no obvious reason , they'll accidentally run into pirates who try to kill them .   oh , yes !   i feel so good about this story .   instead of using characterization to propel the events , it will be completely random , and yet totally predictable !   imagine that . don't get me wrong -- six days , seven nights is not a boring picture ; ford and heche both do a great job .   the sparks fly between them , and so most of browning's inane dialogue is drowned out by the actors' sheer force of talent .   almost every scene between them has energy that the performers bring to the screen , and i found myself laughing pretty hard .   schwimmer is also funny , and manages to milk all of his scenes for whatever he can get .   and reitman , who has made some good films , at least tries to make things exciting .   even though the pirate subplot is profoundly dumb , i was prepared to be pleasantly sidetracked by the action sequences . it's just when i start to think about the story that my contempt for this film surfaces .   the picture feels like it's been hacked to pieces -- i wouldn't be surprised if five or six inept subplots have been edited out completely .   the ones that are here are as bad as they come ( i think i let out a very audible groan when they get the first glimpse of the pirate ships ) , and i'd just like to shake the producers by the shoulders and scream , " why did you pick this awful script ! ? "   the film is outright stupid , but some of the elements are subtly horrifying .   for instance , take the subplot in which the schwimmer character has sex with the bimbo , and then feels really guilty .   this is a serious problem in real life , but six days , seven nights reduces any chance of complexity to a weak plot device :   his actions are what makes it okay for heche to kiss ford .   in a script that lacks even a glimpse of intelligent subtlety , i find it odd that such a strangely insulting device ended up in the story . this is summer movie season , but that doesn't mean our movies have to be dumb .   1998 so far has been one of the worst years in recent memory for summer blockbusters .   when i was in line for six days , seven nights , i heard the woman in front of me ask for " two tickets to that new harrison ford movie . "   why didn't she know the name of the film ?   i suppose she just didn't care .   what bothers me even more is that the people who make these big-budget pictures don't realize that their films are becoming parodies of themselves .   good actors should sign to good scripts , and if hollywood insists on making flicks to rake in cash , they least they could do is assume that we'd like to spend our money on a story worth more than ten cents . 
