susan granger's review of " america's sweethearts " ( columbia/sony ) what a waste of a talented cast ! billy crystal and co-writer peter tolan have concocted a sly , provocative premise and , as the opening credits roll , it's obvious that they're attempting an old-fashioned romantic comedy . the story involves a veteran publicist ( billy crystal ) who is summoned to orchestrate a press junket in las vegas when an arrogant director ( christopher walken ) holds a megabuck movie hostage in his editing room , refusing to show it to anyone . he figures that by giving the journalists juicy hints of a possible reconciliation between the film's once-married-but-now-estranged stars , gwen and eddie ( catherine zeta-jones , john cusack ) , they'll be so distracted that they won't remember they didn't see the movie or it wasn't what they expected . ( and crystal thought of this long before a sony exec concocted the phony critic/david manning quote scandal ! ) for help , he turns to gwen's personal assistant/sister ( julia roberts ) . but the laughs are few and far-between . crystal's glib , cynical flack isn't wickedly funny enough with a few amusing one-liners . after six months under the care of a depak chopra-like guru ( alan arkin ) , cusack's character's too emotionally fragile , lacking the necessary charisma . zeta-jones's vain , narcissistic diva is undeveloped and one-dimensional . only hank azaria , as zeta-jones's much-macho spanish lover , and stanley tucci , as a studio exec , and roberts manage to whip up any farcical froth . basically , we don't like these ego-driven , stereotypical characters , let alone root for them to unwind their romantic entanglements , and joe roth's direction is predictable , formulaic and telegraphic . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " america's sweethearts " is a contrived , shallow 4 . as a screwball satire , it's strictly superficial . 
