following one of the most pitiful title sequences i've ever seen , the watcher actually proceeds to become one of the most pitiful thrillers i've ever seen . and that takes some doing . . . but let me tell you how . i give the movie half a point for its mildly eyebrow-raising premise . an l . a . serial killer ( reeves ) has finally worn down the cop who was chasing him ( james spader ) to the point where he can no longer function in society . the cop gives up on the chase after a dozen-plus murders go unsolved , moves to chicago , and tries to drop out of life with his migraine medication . only the killer tracks him down , 2 , 000 miles away , and tries to revive their old cat-and-mouse game , by mailing our hero a photograph of an anonymous and lovely young lady , sentencing her to die in 24 hours if the cops can't track her down . surprise : witness some of the worst police work in movie history as the cops can't track her down . rinse and repeat . like i said , it's a semi-interesting premise once you get past the fact that nancy drew could put these cops to shame . but of course , it's all ruined by shoddy acting and some just-plain-god-awful filmmaking that is shameful in its incompetence . reeves is utterly wooden , as if he is reading his lines from a teleprompter that's running too slow , and with nary a " whoa " to utter . spader is fine yet unimpressive . and marisa tomei -- starring as spader's shrink and a would-be victim of the killer -- has turned positively ghoulish now that she's reached maturity . ( note : she's supposed to be one of those " lovely young ladies " i mentioned above . ) but let's get down to the worst offendor . director joe charbanic ( absolutely no credits on record aside from a few crappy music videos ) has no business being behind a camera at all and should retire now before someone gets hurt . this is film school 101 stuff , what with the ridiculous use of blurred-motion video footage ( you see , we're looking through the killer's eyes ! ) , the positive-negative-positive effect to make things oh-so-creepy , sudden flashes of white light , and , well , more blurred-motion video footage . my cat could puke up a better film after a diet of canned tuna and fur . which reminds me : as a funny footnote to the watcher , keanu reeves has actually hired charbanic to direct a music video or two for his band dogstar ( which is reportedly quite awful ) . my poor kitty may be spared some work after all . 
