holy man * 1/4 directed by stephen herek . written by tom schulman . photography , adrian biddle . editing , trudy ship . production design , andrew mcalpine . music by alan silvestri . cast : eddie murphy ( " g " ) , jeff goldblum ( ricky ) , kelly preston ( kate ) , robert loggia ( mcbainbridge ) , jon cryer ( barry ) , eric mccormack ( scott hawkes ) et al . a touchstone release . 114 minutes . pg ( references to body parts and functions ) nothing holy about this flick , but plenty that's hokey . ricky is a hustling producer in the good buy shopping network ( gbsn ) , located in miami's south beach and lately acquired by crass capitalist mcbainbridge . the boss , made furious by 27 months of " flatness " gives ricky an ultimatum : " you have two weeks to bring the sales up 8% or you're fired . " ricky , at his wits ( such as they are ) end , thinks only a miracle can save him . he also falls for kate , newly hired as a gee-whiz marketer . while changing a tire on the highway , these two meet eddie murphy , a cheerful , shaved-head eccentric garbed in a vaguely indian-asian two-piece outfit . he will ( how did you guess ? ! ) turn out to be the prayed-for miracle . the encounter is most artificial . so is everything that follows . somehow ( don't ask ) all three people make friends . somehow ( please don't ask again ) , murphy , mysterious down to his name ( just " g " ) , becomes the instrument of making the gbsn a hit , and promoting the love affair between ricky and kate , an affair that follows the tired cliche of antagonism becoming love . a protracted , dull introduction and inane fast talk impede rather than help the story . it picks up a bit when , at rick's reception for potential sponsors , g ( by now rick's house-guest ) shows up and spices up things somewhat . vaguely guru-ish , certainly upbeat and humorous , he hypnotizes nino cerruti ( the italian tycoon , played by himself ) , cures him of his fear of flying , and performs magic ( prestidigitation ) with a rolex . all this simply postpones the action for about three-quarters of an hour . when g is somehow ( thanks for not asking ) made to go on the network to increase sales , he debunks the products and the customers , but spouts " wisdom " and true values that somehow ( don't ask ) send the sales skyrocketing . it's all silliness and inanity . how sad . at his best murphy can be wildly funny with his distinctive ebullience , his infectious , toothy grin , his patter . not here . the film does have the novelty of a " new , " quiet , presumably thoughtful murphy , but does little to exploit it . the movie has no bite , no zip , no energy . its elements are disconnected , illogical and incredible . murphy , even in this bummer , is nice to watch , but he overspouts platitudes and cliche " morality . " the goldblum-preston couple --who , take up half of the film and weaken murphy's moments-- have zero personality . ( goldblum's deep tan seems to indicate more time spent at the beach than at work -- but it still cannot rival george hamilton's and the champion's , douglas fairbanks' sr . ) . loggia is a caricature . the balance of the supporting cast ( including an ill-conceived , unreal villain ) were written in with the press-this-key-for-reaction 2 method . satirizing tv shopping , its hucksters and its public , ought to be a golden subject . but here , it becomes a toothless dud in script and execution . this , for a host of reasons , from phony attempts at being farcical , peddling products that are outlandish and ridiculous , overall incoherence , ineffectual morality , sluggishness , lack of humor and effective dialogue , the absence of a real focus and point of view . . . this makes the movie a yawner with just a handful of amusing moments . " le mauvais gout mene au crime " ( stendhal ) edwin jahiel's movie reviews are at <a href= " http : //www . prairienet . org/ejahiel " >http : //www . prairienet . org/ejahiel</a> 
