have you ever known someone who was so detestable that everyone hated him ? imagine if that person was murdered , who would the suspects be , everyone ? now , imagine if someone , we'll just call him nick , were to make a movie entirely about a person like this ; what kind of movie would that be ? apparently , it would be a movie called " drowning mona " , one of the most despicable , mean spirited , evil little movies i have ever seen . the only thing that saved this movie from a one star rating , was the presence of danny devito as the only likable character in a movie filled with abhorrent people . " drowning mona " managed to cause me to stare , slack-jawed and horrified at the screen during its full running time . there aren't too many films out there which can do that . mona dearly ( bette midler ) is an evil , loathsome creature , whose life is filled with caustic remarks and hate-filled glares . her husband , phil ( william fichtner ) , is a depressed looking man who makes it through life only because of the happiness he finds in his affair with rona ( jamie lee curtis ) , a local waitress . then one day mona's brakes fail while driving along a mountain road , and she flies into the river . of course , everyone in the town is suspect : her husband ; her one handed son , jeff ( marcus thomas ) ; his business partner , bobby ( casey affleck ) ; bobby's fiancee , ellen ( neve campbell ) ; and a slew of other people all had plenty of reason to want mona dearly dead . chief wyatt rash ( danny devito ) , the local sheriff , must try to determine who the killer might be out of the hundreds of possible suspects . it's only march , and already a candidate for worst movie of the year has arisen . seldom have i seen a movie audience so silent during a comedy . on those rare occasions where i was able to tear my eyes from the horrors on display , i would glance about to see other audience members staring at the screen with looks of shock plastered on their faces . " drowning mona " is an amazingly evil , twisted movie , which nearly gives " very bad things " a run for its money as most disturbing film of the past five years . not only is the movie evil , but its attempts at actual humor fall completely flat . i think that " drowning mona " was supposed to be a dark , dark comedy , but it succeeds only in being very dark . perhaps most terrifying of all is that the actors involved appeared to be having a grand old time acting like yugo driving demons ( everyone in the film drives a yugo ) . bette midler is amazingly convincing as the queen of this hell on earth , and her fellow stars , particularly marcus thomas ( " palmetto " ) , are very nearly as loathsome . the running gag with thomas involves him having a stump for a left hand ( pretty funny , huh ? ) . thomas's character , jeff , does wonderful things such as run over his neighbor's dog with a lawnmower and hit on a thirteen year old girl . i think this was all supposed to be funny , but if that's the case it failed miserably . devito plays the only fully likeable character here - the sheriff with a heart of gold . the truth is , devito can't help but be great in any moive , no matter how otherwise terrible it might be ( " war of the roses " , for example ) . " drowning mona " is a waste of both talent and time . i wouldn't wish it on anyone except perhaps nick gomez and peter steinfeld for creating this heap of garbage . i'll grant you , the two men must have talent because it takes some to create a film so thoroughly revolting . the film runs 95 minutes , which is about an hour and a half too long . i don't recommend it to anyone , anywhere . if you're really desperate to see bette midler in something new ( and i mean desperate enough that you're going to die without seeing her ) , i'd still suggest you wait for video or at least catch a matinee . with any luck , " drowning mona " will be out of theaters in a few weeks . i give this sorry movie one and a half out of five stars . comments ? feel free to e-mail them to : <a href= " mailto : johnbeachem@dependentfilms . net " >johnbeachem@dependentfilms . net</a> for past reviews , movie news , and other fun stuff , visit : <a href= " http : //www . dependentfilms . net " >http : //www . dependentfilms . net</a> * * * * * - one of the greatest movies ever made , see it now . * * * * - great flick , try and catch this one . * * * - okay movie , hits and misses . * * - pretty bad , see it only if you've got nothing better to do . * - one of the worst movies ever made . see it only if you enjoy pain . 
