mr . wrong * 1/2 . directed by nick castle . produced by marty katz . written by chris matheson , kerry ehrin , craig munson . photography , john schwartzman . production design , doug kraner . editing , patrick kennedy , music , craig safan . cast : ellen degeneres ( martha alston ) , bill pullman ( whitman crawford ) , joan cusack ( inge ) , dean stockwell ( jack tramonte ) , joan plowright ( mrs . crawford ) , john livingston ( walter ) , robert goulet ( dick braxton ) , ellen cleghorne ( jane ) , hope davis ( annie ) , brad henke ( bob ) , christine cattell ( nancy culpepper ) , peter white ( mr . alston ) , polly holliday ( mrs . alston ) , maddie corman ( missy ) , et al . a touchstone picture . 92 mins . pg-13 . today you're the toast of the town , tomorrow you're just toast . that's what happens to popular tv and stand-up comedian ellen degeneres in her first feature role . actually , past a dumb giveaway opening scene that leads to a long flashback , the start of " mr . wrong " is at least as funny as the thought of certain people as us president . martha ( degeneres ) , 31 , a talent coordinator for a local tv talk show , is at her younger sister's wedding . even when unspoken , the pressure by family and friends to have martha find her own mr . right permeates the air . martha however , professionally content and personally well-balanced , is acceptably happy as a single . she bides her time . there are good nuances in her portrait . cut to some amusing office scenes , notably of martha's much younger assistant walter who keeps courting her . cut to lonely martha's date with a yoyo who brags : " i can sell ovens to eskimos . " nonplussed martha : " i think the usual expression is freezers . " he , puzzled : " what would they need them for ? " and on her doorstep he asks : " give me a french kiss . " ugh . the future suddenly materializes in the person of whitman crawford ( pullman ) , met cute ( but not too ) around a jukebox playing the hank williams oldie " i'm so lonesome i could cry " ( performed by chris isaak ) . before you can say valentine's day , they're having a hot affair . the morning after , at the office , her best friend breathlessly inquires " did you ? did he ? did he ? " --1990s coded language for safe sex . martha is in seventh heaven with whitman's devotion , classiness and gentleness . he writes poetry ( he recites some gibberish to her in a funny scene ) and , as we learn later , gets from a trust $50 , 000 a month . when he takes her to see his mother ( joan plowright ) weirdness begins to set in . when martha innocently tells him " i want you to be yourself , " this turns out to be as drastic as pressing the red missile-launching button . whitman drops what we realize was a fake persona and does become himself . no , he's no serial killer but a total loony who does odd and tasteless things , and desperately wants to marry martha . in turn , she now desperately wants out . so far , so good . but the movie takes a sudden dive past the first 35-40 minutes and keeps shedding ratings stars . the balance is devoted to whitman's relentless pursuit and stalking of martha . unreasonably jealous , whitman's previous girlfriend inge ( cusack ) aided by a fat , hopeless suitor , menaces martha whom whitman keeps showering with gifts and unwelcome attentions . " mr . wrong " becomes tedious though not awful ( yet ) , given its small ambitions . but after a second plunge it smashes itself flat on the pavement . meandering , incoherence , confusion and stupidity turn fun into fiasco . much is wrong with " mr . wrong . " the direction , hesitant and uneven from the start , worsens exponentially . the concocted-by-committee scenario gets even more painful . one of the scripters had done the " bill & ted " flicks . the other two are first-timers . past the initial impetus , the trio grope in the dark , have no idea where to go next , fail to find a single acceptable development , gag or line . the plot includes some name performers given either microscopic walk-on parts ( goulet ) or a small , wasted ones ( plowright , stockwell , tv " alice " 's holliday ) . criminally idiotic is the role of the usually incomparable joan cusack , slated in my book for the thelma ritter award . criminally cruel is the way degeneres is photographed . the very fact that she is no movie beauty should have been worked on to show us a real person , a change from bimboids . it is pure technical sloppiness . look at robert redford in newscasts , then at his younger , well made-up and shot , transformed face in the previews of his new film . coming close to being right in " mr . wrong " are a ) the natural rapport between degeneres and best friend ellen cleghorne , a black actress , and b ) the perfect normalcy of older women having affairs with younger men . alas , both notions are way underdeveloped , and the second is botched up by the asinine ending . perhaps theaters ought to screen only the first section , for two thirds off tickets . 
