Performed at:		Cornell University, 15th April, 1995

Directed By:		Soam Acharya

Cast:			Soam Acharya, P Subrahmanya, Manish Kothari,
			Harish Vishwanathan, Monami Maulik, K Suresh,
			Anusha Chagan, Saptarsi Haldar, Mark Legoullon
			Indu Subaiya


============

( Curtains open )	

Guru enters

( bhajan type music )

Ladies and gentlemen, Namaste!

from Kashmir to Kanyakumarika
from Ganga to Brahmaputra
from Jhumrutelaiya to Georgia
from Kapurtala to Kentucky
from Hyderabad to Hackensack

us desis have always managed to blend the best of the East and West with
such delightful results like 

Anand Shankar, Mira Nair, low-fat ghee, see through salwar-kameez, diet
jilebis and curry in a hurry

and now, the latest and greatest in fusion, the desi Jersey MAFIA!
-----
Actual song begins ....


Yo my name is Soam , that's foam with an S
them dudes like my duds, see I'm dressed for success
I higgedy diggedy my Mama, I'm as built as Bhima
taller than a tree and I sting with my degree
I drive a Honda Civic, but to me it's a Ferrari
Hemanta on the speaker - 'cause I'm a Bengali
but hey, 'nuff of me, I got work to do, 
so let's go and chill with the rest of my crew

see my man Subra, he's smooth with the ladies
they call him every night, just to ride in his Mercedes
he takes them out to dinner, he makes them laugh and scream
When stuff is getting rough, he wakes up - "just a dream"

And my homeboy Harish, what else can we say?
He's cooler than December, he's hot, hot like May
He`s well educated, got a high school diploma
"What's two plus two?", "I'll leave you in a coma!"


Yo, I'm Suresh and I'm a supah jock
I read Byron, I pump iron, I'm built like a rock
some say I'm da brain, but I'm tha body too
I'm supah badd, hottah than vindaloo


But we be to rap what raga be to veena

'Cause we're cool like dat, we're cool like that, we're desi like that,
 yeah we're desi (echo)

(Reporter)
Desi Jersey Mafia: really happening band
Tell us how they formed, please make us understand

Arre bhai aur bahen, sab shuno shuno
let me tell this story, that you really ought to know

Back in the days when I was a teenager
Dazed and confused was the status of my nature
Desi, pardesi what was I? "Just crazy?"
Easy said my daddy, stop sweatin' bout your future
Be hittin' all your books like there be no tomorrow
Straight A's, it pays,  that'll drown your sorrow
"O bhai" said I, must give this s*** a try
So EE was to me, like the Nile was to the Pharaoh
The years be passing by and I wasn't getting younger
One day, hai hai hey, it hit me only stronger
No life, no wife, no culture, just this drive
Like vindaloo with no aloo, no way to kill my hunger
My brain was cast again in a frizzy stormy state
Then I got the answer and this I now relate
"Rap, all that, add some bhangra, it's so phat
 Mix like begoon-bhartha, you'll down it just like that"

I be to rap what gulli be to danda


'Cause we're cool like dat, we're cool like that, we're desi like that,
 yeah we're desi (echo)

(Reporter)

Desi Jersey Mafia, go on with your story
how you found each other, your way to fame and glory


Well I was low on dough, Harish was on the dole
Subra had been dissed, and Suresh was on parole
it didn't take too long, to make us understand
to get those checks and chicks, we had to form a band
We tried fusion-grunge, Suresh played the sitar
Harish beat the drums while Subra picked the guitar

( OK Boyz one two three )

Sitar/Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit


Had to get a deal, with a record label
show them our stuff, showed them we were able

( Pseudo ragga rap interlude )

well that didn't work, but we had to get heard
I got my man Mark, to put in a good word
....................................Word
this did not work either, things were getting hectic
we had to change approach, try another tactic
it was no use, we had nothing to lose
we made him an offer, offer he couldn't refuse

We be to rap what raga be to veena

'Cause we're cool like dat, we're cool like that, we're cool like that
 we're cool like that, we're desi like dat, we're desi like that, we're
 desi like that, yeah we're desi(echo)



I'm Bengali like dat, charm the lerkis with my bhasha
"arre moshai kemon achen, ei to bhalobhasha"
but we have brains and Karl Marx, our russgoolas are sweet
I sing and dance like Rabindrasangeet

( Rabindrasangeet )

I'm Tamil like dat, I'm a Testarossa
I'm hot and I'm spicy, like masala dosa
I count like Ramanujam, you gotta give me dap
and here comes Badri, to blast you with his rap

( Badri Rap )


I'm Punjabi like dat, I drink lotsa lassi
I also drink whisky, I'm not really fussy
I like tandoori roti and I dance like I'm langra
don't dare laugh at me, just check out my bhangra

( Bhangra interlude )

I'm Gujrati like dat, no I'm not called a Patel
let me make things clear: I've never owned a motel
echoes of my name resound the Khyber Pass
you wanna know why, do the Dandiya Raas

( Raas interlude )

We be to rap what Kapil be to cricket

'Cause we're cool like dat, we're cool like that, we're desi like that,
 yeah we're desi (echo)


Well I've been to the east and I've been to the west
One thing is for sure, Desi girls are the best

We dig Madhuri like that, we dig Dimple like that
Juhi, Raveena and Sushmita like that
my girl she's no ho, don't take her name in vain
She's Lakshmi, she likes me, She's a devi just the same
And for the local girls, what more can we say
Parul, Anusha, Alpa, Make our day
Monami, Raguini, Rash and Deeya too
Mridula, Shonali, Dhati, Reena, Indu
and for those that dis us, you don't know what you're missing
come on Soam tell them - "It's all in the kissing"
if we left you out, and you want to let us know
we are new age guys, meet us past this show

We be to rap what Kama be to Sutra

'Cause we're cool like dat, we're cool like that, we're cool like that
 we're cool like that, we're desi like dat, we're desi like that, we're
 desi like that, yeah we're desi(echo)

[Outro - national anthem ]

==================

Samples:

Digable Planets, "Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat)"
Gangstarr, "Lovesick"
Nirvana, "Smells Like Teen Sprit"
"Evening Ragas I"
Bally Sagoo/Malkit Singh, "Guri Na Ishko Mita"
Hemant Kumar, "O Amar Desher Mati"

=====================
Copyright © 1995 Soam Acharya and P Subrahmanya