# Skulls, The (2000)

### reviewed by
Jamey Hughton

    THE SKULLS
    * (out of four stars)
    A review by Jamey Hughton

Starring-Joshua Jackson, Paul Walker, Leslie Bibb, Craig T. Nelson, Hill Harper, William Peterson, Christopher McDonald and Steve Harris Director-Rob Cohen Canadian Rating-PG Released by Universal Pictures - 03/00

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`The Skulls' is a laughably bad thriller, a teen-orientated doppelganger of `The Firm' so blazingly ridiculous that it caused me to drift into a hypnotic stupor. Certain moments are so preposterous that I nearly herniated myself in an attempt to stifle laughter. I chuckled incessantly, all the way home. Let me share.

The Skulls is a secret society conceived inside the walls of Yale (designed, I'm sure, to mirror the actual Skull & Bones from the same college). Luke McNamara (Joshua Jackson), a townie and local varsity rowing championship victor for the third consecutive year, highlights the latest Skull scouting report. Despite some anxiety and caution from others, Luke accepts entry into the organization. Soon after, he finds himself surrounded by beautiful women, driving a new car and marveling at the $20, 000 that somehow surfaced in his bank account. Yeah, dude, pretty good deal eh? But Luke soon learns that the membership is somewhat suffocating; when circumstances become extreme, there is no way he can leave the society - except maybe as a drooling vegetable. The premise, although lacking in originality, certainly offers its share of potential intrigue and suspense.

Unfortunately, `The Skulls' is neither intriguing, nor suspenseful, nor anything else you would associate with fresh or exciting. It's just another abysmal teen prototype that has the soundtrack, the stars.... but not the script. `The Skulls' is so bad it attains a certain level of entertainment value, with the screenplay, by Jon Pogue, immediately becoming the basis for a slew of unintentional howlers . First off, upon their initiation into The Skulls, each new member has to have a skull branded onto their arm. Afterward they are supplied with a wristwatch that conveniently covers up the scar. Will they never take this watch off? And what if they forget it by their bedside? Perhaps their ‘secret' society was being a little too conspicuous when they decided to brand new members like cattle on an area of the body that is easily exposed. On top of this, they are each given a rulebook and a key to headquarters. Gee, why not member T-shirts? But my favorite bit is this: the voting committee for The Skulls does not bother with individual ‘agree' or ‘disagree' notions when making collective decisions. They are given official Skull paddles. When flipped to one side, they indicate the member agrees with the proposal. Facing the opposite way means a disagreement. Wouldn't they merely express themselves verbally? Hell no. They have to retrieve the paddles for a proper vote, and maybe afterward they can play Ping-Pong.

I'm still chuckling about these ludicrous details, but the humiliating dialogue is enough to send one into arrest. The cast, meanwhile, combines a pinch of veteran talent with a dash of the `Dawson's Creek' crowd, and fuses the two together, ensuring that the embarrassment will be a mutually shared union throughout. But not entirely. Accomplished actors like Craig T. Nelson (as Skulls chairman Judge Litten Mandrake) and William Peterson (as fellow board member Senator Levritt) are dealt pathetic villain caricatures, and look suitably embarrassed handling them. And then there's Christopher McDonald, who has the capacity to be a fun, exciting actor. McDonald's charisma is totally diminished here as he sleepwalks through another perfunctory bad guy role (yes, Pogue makes it a hat-trick). I pray it was a `snatch-the-paycheck-and-run' exercise for all these actors.

The young troupe of performers involved fair moderately better. Let's cut the talented Canadian lad Joshua Jackson some slack for maintaining believability within the confines of his character. Paul Walker, the strapping quarterback from `Varsity Blues', is bland but passable as Caleb Mandrake - the Judge's son. Walker preserves a straight face, even when dealt the silliest dialogue in the movie (`Dad, I just killed a guy in the ritual room!'). Some actual spark is generated by Leslie Bibb, who plays Luke's longtime chum Chloe, and manages to successfully pull off some convincing dramatics. It really boils down to the actors attempting to puncture the surrounding plastic bubble of absurdity that cages them from minute one. Or maybe not minute one, thanks to a decent set-up from director Rob Cohen, who films early sequences with a sense of atmosphere and style. It makes you wonder why he didn't flee indefinitely from the project, because while enjoyable cheese like `Dragonheart' and the moderate Stallone thriller `Daylight' aren't superior cinema, they belong on the AFI Top 100 list when compared to this degrading trash.

Aside from unintentionally humoring the audience, `The Skulls' gets little accomplished. The thrills and action are lazy and mechanical. The story is stuffed with ridiculous, formulaic plotting that sheepishly overlooks the cool potential of a secret underground society flick. Instead of gaining knowledge about The Skulls as an organization, we are thrust into a lame video surveillance conspiracy that has developed barnacles from excessive usage. We've seen it all before, and better. `The Skulls' is a feeble little circus of stupidity, so miscalculated that -- while it would serve as a clever pun -- a term like ‘boneheaded' seems just too generous.

    (C) 2000, Jamey Hughton

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