# Supernova (2000)

### reviewed by
Rose 'Bams' Cooper

    3 Black Chicks Review...'

Supernova (1999--or 2000, depending on who you ask...)

Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000 Review URL: http://www.3blackchicks.com/bamssupernova.html

[Author's note: Before I begin this rant...

The astute follower of my normal 3BC reviews will note something different about this "review" right away: I dispensed with the normal credits which have always been part of my particular writing style, and the remainder of this text will be an all-out rant about that abomination masquerading as a movie, and calling itself "Supernova".

For those who came here expecting a thoughtful, decent review, my apologies; I'll do better in the future, given better material to start with. If you need a quick-n-dirty recommendation, I can sum it up in three simple words: "This Flick Sucked.", and direct you to read our other reviews for this week. For those masochists for whom that is simply not enough, I give you: The Bammer Rant On The Godawful Abomination Masquerading As A Movie, Calling Itself "Supernova".

    So don't say I didn't warn ya...]

The UnStory (no spoilers, since there was no story.) Friends, romans, countrymen, lend me your ear: if you have even the most miniscule faith in my ability to judge a movie, you will run--not walk--run away from any movie review that suggests you go see this most dreadful collection of frames of moving images running swiftly together which would normally be called "film" but could not by any stretch of the imagination be honoured with such a label.

I have seen Bad Movies in my life. I have seen "Lost In Space". I have seen "A Night At The Roxbury". I have seen "Caligula". But nothing - y'all don't hear me; I'll say it once again: N O T H I N G - I have seen in my 37 years on this third rock from the sun, could possibly compare to the hour and a half of torture I endured watching the collection of frames of moving images that I won't dare name again, lest I suffer more seizures.

If the above does not convince you, consider this: the collection of frames of moving images was so ashamed of itself, it did not have opening titles or credits at all; if one was so inclined to ride out the length of the collection of frames of moving images (and more than half of the people in the theater during this showing, were not so inclined), one would have to wait until the end to know what the title was. That might not be enough to convince you--after all, it could've just been Clever! And! Hip! It wasn't, but it could've been trying to be, so consider this also: the collection of frames of moving images, stopped working during the final scene. None of us in the audience, cared. Even when it started working again, none of us cared. Many of us left, well before the break. And when the torture was finally over and we all filed out of the theater with blood in our eyes and hatred in our hearts for the normally-decent James Spader, Angela Bassett, and Lou Diamond Phillips for the exercise in mental masturbation they performed on the screen, theater ushers greeted us at the door with free passes, apologizing profusely for the break. I like to think that they were led by a Higher Power to apologize profusely for the excrement that made its way to the screen.

Please. Don't. Go. To. This...Thing. And if you ignore me and do go, please let me know, so I can laugh heartily as you writhe in misery.

[End note to those review purists who'll no doubt wish to chastise me for wasting your time with this rant: save it. I warned you at the beginning, and you read on anyway? Your bad.]

Bammer's Bottom Line: This Flick Sucked. It sucked the lifeforce right out of me; so much so that I was unable to stay in the theater to watch "Girl, Interrupted" afterwards, as I had planned on doing. I had to run quickly out of the theater house before I stumbled upon the Projectionists Room; I had matches, and I knew how to use them.

May it die the quick boxoffice death it so richly deserves.

    "Supernova" (rating: triple redlight)
    Any questions?

    3 Black Chicks...Movie Reviews With Flava!            /~\
    Rose "Bams" Cooper                                   /','\
    3BlackChicks Enterprises                            /','`'\
    Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000                        /',',','/`,
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