# 13th Warrior, The (1999)

### reviewed by
Homer Yen

    "The 13th Warrior" -- Lifeless Eaters of the Dead
    by Homer Yen
    (c) 1999

Vikings v. Bears? No, this isn't the lineup for Monday Night Football. Rather, these are the two opposing forces that will battle to the death in "The 13th Warrior," a film that is as dramatically flat as it is gratuitously gory. Based on Michael Crichton's book, Eaters of the Dead, this Viking saga tries to evoke the mysticism of fabled Norsemen and the glorious battles that they fought. Their strength and honor would eventually etch their place in history among the greatest warriors that ever picked up a sword. Luckily for the Vikings, however, their warring abilities were not as clumsy as this film.

Antonio Bandaras is Ahmed, a travelling ambassador. Accompanied by his friend (Omar Shariff in a cameo), they eventually come across a small Viking village. We see that the Vikings are an extremely proud group whose greatest strength is their fortitude. They laugh heartily, revel in their arrogance, and sing songs of battles won. But their festivities are about to be halted when a messenger boy arrives to tell the village leader that a great evil is threatening their land. Help is needed quickly. An elderly, fortune-telling witch arrives. After a brief incantation, she proclaims that 12 warriors and one more "not of Norse blood" are needed to ensure victory. Personally, I always wonder why people believe these oracles when they look so haggardly and on the brink of insanity. Nonetheless, 12 men eagerly accept their place while Ahmed becomes the pivotal 13th. The group then sets out to do the greatest battle of their lives.

Of course during their ride, Ahmed becomes the target of fun for the other 12 burly Viking warriors. But he ably shows that it's not the size of the dog in the fight but rather the size of the fight in the dog. He is able to overcome the proud arrogance of the Vikings, but will his skills (and that of the group) be enough to defeat whatever evil is menacing the countryside? It does not look promising. These creatures, resembling bears, are strong and have high morale. They are fearless and display a desire for decapitating the heads of their enemies. They attack by the hundreds and the next strike will come soon. The warriors prepare their defenses and pray to their Gods. They are ready to sacrifice their lives. "This is a good way to die," says one of the fallen warriors.

Despite the larger-than-life battle sequences, I was unmoved by the entire experience. At many points, I was even confused. For example, somewhere in the middle of the film, a sub-plot creeps up involving the Prince of the threatened land. He seems to have an agenda to elevate himself to greater power during this crisis. However, the sub-plot never fully materializes, and we are left scratching our heads as to the purpose of its inclusion. There are other questions that I had, but the real problem was that the story (little of it that there was) offered no characters to love or hate. The leader of the Viking warriors had the most charisma. However, Banderas's role is completely underwritten and it is unclear why being the 13th warrior makes him so special. An entire rewrite of the Ahmed character is in order. Also, much of the action takes place during torrential downpours or at night, which made battles very difficult to follow. I would have preferred more time looking at the Viking culture and how their beliefs shaped their decision to do battle against the enemy. As it stands, the film manages more confusion than intensity. It would make Thor cry.

    Grade: C-

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