# Godzilla (1998)

### reviewed by
Paul-Michael Agapow

    # [film] "Godzilla"
    A Postview, copyright 1998 p-m agapow

A giant mutant lizard attacks New York. As if.

Yes, your honour. I'm representing the producers in the case of "The State versus Godzilla". And might I add what a pleasure it is to appear before you again, ma'am. Yes, it has been a long time - the Christopher Lambert deposition if I'm not mistaken. But may I be so bold as to ask you to throw this case out? My clients, Mssrs Emmerich and Devlin, are highly respected auteurs. It is beneath the creators of "Independence Day" to be placed on trial like this ...

Yes ma'am, and "Stargate" and "Universal Soldier". However ... Yes, and "Moon 44". With Michael Pare. But that was never bought to trial.

In any event, my clients plead not guilty to the charges of reckless lack of imagination and perverse negligence of plot. We won't be dealing with the charges of acting crimes against humanity as the prosecution has referred these to the International Court in the Hague.

If I might turn to the first charge. Irrespective of whether the witness has seen "King Kong" or "The Lost World", or "Alien", "Godzilla" is completely different. Godzilla is not a giant ape running amok in New York, a T-Rex running amok in California, or indeed an alien running amok on a colony world, spaceship or earth. No, Godzilla is a giant lizard running amok in New York. This is totally different. As regards the second charge, in the prehearing the plot was ruled to be purely hearsay and inadmissible.

No, your honour. "Inadmissible", not "invisible". Yes ma'am, I suppose one interpretation is that a special effects film should be special.

Move to strike. According to "The People versus Starship Troopers", a director cannot be held wholly responsible for the performances within his or her film. In any event, I have Mssrs Broderick and Reno outside, waiting to be called. Ms ... uh ... the lead actress wasn't available for this hearing.

Actually your honour, we weren't able to locate Ms ... uh ... the actress playing the reporter. We've interviewed moviegoers widely and none of them can identify her or what she was doing in the movie. The local police department have deployed stakeouts in several theatres in an effort to catch her on film. We've also enlisted CSICOP, who have set up infra-red cameras in several venues. They apparently believe she's just a misidentification of the planet Venus, or maybe swamp gas.

I object! There is no way the witness could know that the producers were "creatively bankrupt bimbos who think that throwing money at a piece of broccoli would make it a hit". The prosecution is asking the witness to speculate on the internal state of my clients. Also, it is clearly demonstrated in the scene where the army realises they've lost Godzilla that ...

Lost, your honour. In Manhattan, yes.

We throw ourselves on the court's mercy.

While I wrote off "Independence Day" as a B-grade movie that had been given a blockbuster gloss, "Godzilla" is not even graced by being gloriously bad or cheesy. It is just dull, an empty trotting out of the essentials of the Godzilla myth, poorly masked by much sound and fury, signifying little but a gnawing black hole at the heart of the film. The filmmakers were apparently unaware that any effort had to be expended on wooing the audience - to them, the sight of Godzilla crushing pedestrians should be thrilling in of itself, without any effort at suspense, empathy or surprise. With luck, this may convince Devlin and Emmerich (and Hollywood at large) that no amount of advertising fervour will make a hit out of poorly acted, lazily plotted garbage. [*/misfire] and meatloaf surrounded by fireworks on the Sid and Nancy scale.

"Godzilla" Released 1998. Directed by Roland Emmerich. Produced by Dean Devlin, Roland Emmerich et al. Starring Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo, Hank Azaria, Kevin Dunn, Michael Lerner, Harry Shearer.

-- Paul-Michael Agapow (agapow@latcs1.oz.au) Postviews SF/F reviews site:

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