# Never Been Kissed (1999)

### reviewed by
Edward Johnson-Ott

Never Been Kissed (1999) Drew Barrymore, Molly Shannon, David Arquette, Michael Vartan, John C. Reilly, Garry Marshall, Sean Whalen, Leelee Sobieski, Jeremy Jordan, Jessica Alba, Marley Shelton, Jordan Ladd. Screenplay by Abby Kohn & Marc Silverstein. Directed by Raja Gosnell. 107 minutes. Rated PG-13, 1.5 stars (out of five stars)

Review by Ed Johnson-Ott, NUVO Newsweekly www.nuvo-online.com Archive reviews at http://us.imdb.com/M/reviews_by?Edward+Johnson-ott To receive reviews by e-mail at no charge, send subscription requests to pbbp24a@prodigy.com

There's something about Drew Barrymore that brings out the big brother in me. I'm not sure whether it's her genuinely sweet nature, the way she emerged triumphant from a rocky adolescence, or just some residual "E.T." magic, but the notion of criticizing such a charming young performer makes me uncomfortable. It should be obvious by this point that I'm going to do so anyway, but hopefully the preceding remarks will at least establish that I'm not happy about it.

"Never Been Kissed" is a lousy movie. The premise, while far from original, is serviceable enough. A fledgling reporter masquerades as a high school student to do a story on the youth of today. Several years earlier she suffered great pain as an outcast in school, and the assignment affords her the golden opportunity for a second chance. This time she'll get it right.

She doesn't, of course, and neither does the movie. The filmmakers behind "Never Been Kissed" apparently believe that as long as they provide a fuzzy-wuzzy romantic finale, it makes no difference how they get there. The movie makes virtually every mistake in the book, including flagrantly violating the moral of their own story.

"Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it," our 25 year old heroine nobly proclaims late in the film. This inspirational statement comes from a person who pretends to be someone she isn't and tries to insinuate herself with the vacuous school elite through patently phony affectations. She fails, only to be rescued when her 23 year old brother joins the charade and also re-enrolls, becoming an instant hit by downing a tub of cole slaw in the cafeteria, then bestowing his sister with popularity by telling the in-crowd how cool she is. Right.

Drew Barrymore was delightful in "The Wedding Singer," "Ever After" and even "Home Fries," but turns in a terribly strained performance here. As anal-retentive copy editor turned hapless reporter Josie Geller, she whines, winces and crinkles her eyes continuously, desperately trying to wring some pathos out of her poorly written character. In one of the worst cases of miscasting in years, she plays a high school loser who grew into a mousy adult. Buried under bad make-up, she is quite embarrassing but never convincing.

As a reporter, her character is even worse. We're expected to believe that a professional, whose job is to check facts, would fail to research teen fashion, instead showing up at school dressed like a go-go dancer from the '60s. We're expected to believe that a reporter would sit down with students she has just met and ask "What are you guys' hopes and dreams?" Nothing Josie Geller says or does is even remotely credible, especially her idiotic romantic gesture at the film's climax; an exercise in public humiliation that no human on Earth would subject themselves to in a million years, except in the wonderful world of contrived movies.

The awfulness doesn't stop with Barrymore. John C. Reilly, Mark Wahlberg's pornstar-pal in "Boogie Nights," is flat-out dreadful as Josie's boss, doing a wretched imitation of Lou Grant. Garry Marshall chews scenery as a management tyrant, and young Leelee Sobieski (the talented actor from "Deep Impact" who looks like Helen Hunt Jr.) has far too much innate poise and dignity to pull off her role as a contemporary high school geek.

About 40 minutes into the film, screenwriters Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein make matters even more annoying by slapping a hidden micro- camera onto Josie, subjecting us to pointless "Truman Show" style reaction shots of Chicago Sun-Times staff members (get this) sitting around the office for hours and hours watching the monitor, enraptured by Josie's pratfalls and her quasi-romantic relationship with a teacher (Michael Vartan, an anemic-looking fellow inexplicably presented as a dreamboat). I can hardly wait to read what Chicago Sun-Times critic Roger Ebert has to say about how the film depicts the inner-workings of his newspaper.

There are a few bright spots in the production. Molly Shannon makes the most of her supporting role, particularly in an amusing scene where she pretends to be a sex-education teacher, and the always goofy David Arquette, despite looking too old to play Barrymore's younger brother, projects an odd giddiness that is fun to watch. In fact, his character, a lost young man who views the high-school re-enrollment facade as a last chance to realize his dream of becoming a ballplayer, is far more interesting and engaging than Josie.

Subjecting an innocuous trifle like "Never Been Kissed" to so much bashing may seem excessive, but when hack filmmakers steal 107 minutes of my life, they deserve what they get. As for Drew Barrymore, hopefully she'll take a good look at this bad flick and be more selective when accepting future roles. She deserves better than this and so do we.

    © 1999 Ed Johnson-Ott

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