# Mission to Mars (2000)

### reviewed by
W. Keith Work

Take every science fiction or NASA cliché and pack them all into a movie about Gary Sinise staring longingly at films of his dead wife and you'll have Mission to Mars.

>From the opening scene, I knew something was dreadfully wrong. We start at the going away party from The Right Stuff where astronauts poke fun at each other's piloting skills just to prove how cool they are. The NASA wives are there grousing around their barbecue. Cut to the scene in Apollo 13 where daddy explains to his boy how far away Mars is and how long it takes to get there. We're introduced to the characters (just like it says in Script Writing for Dummies) - the token black guy (Don Cheadle), the grizzled captain (Tim Robbins), the grounded ace just dying to get back in the saddle (Gary Sinise), etc, etc... You've seen them all before. And the intro wraps up with Robbins giving a heartfelt "Godspeed." He actually says it. Then Cheadle goes to Mars (which looks exactly like a Hollywood set - perfect lighting and all) where the crew watches calmly while a tornado looks around and sucks them in. Hallelujah the first act is over.

The second consists of a series of completely contrived and highly improbable difficulties that serve no purpose whatsoever. On the rescue trip, we encounter the floating blood from Star Trek as well as that strange dramatic device known as 'jargon.' Incomprehensible technical problems are put before the audience and we're told it's highly risky and may not work! Then we're told it did and we should be happy and feel closer to the characters as a result. We also get treated to a 20 minute musical montage every time a character has a bad thought. Sinise's wife is dead and he, traveling with a married couple to further deepen his depression, insists on watching every home movie of her that he owns. Where did they get the payload capacity for all this ridiculous sentimentalism? After this we're witness to one of those scenes that's so laughable it's almost worth the price of admission - four astronauts free floating through space on what is obviously a set piece while they all line up perfectly like conga dancers for one of those 50's space movie stills.

Finally, they arrive and spend hours dragging a pack through the sand instead of finding their missing crew. Once he is found they investigate the source of the tornado thing from earlier and rip off 2001 in an effort at more preachy sentimentalism. The alien actually sheds a single tear! Then they finally add even more insult to the injury they've put us through when Sinise has some hoaky religious experience while his life flashes before his eyes. The final rip off is from Close Encounters, but I'll spare you.

God only knows how this film got made. And with big names too. Suffice it to say that I saw this one so you don't have to.

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