# Luminarias (1999)

### reviewed by
Steve Rhodes

    LUMINARIAS
    A film review by Steve Rhodes
    Copyright 2000 Steve Rhodes
    RATING (0 TO ****):  *

"Can't trust anyone, right?" Cindy (Seidy Lopez) asks rhetorically. "That's right," shoots back Andrea (Evelina Fernández).

And in LUMINARIAS, a film that badly wants to be a Hispanic WAITING TO EXHALE, the list of people not to trust starts with whites and men. If the film had railed so against blacks, there would be pickets in the lobby. But not to worry, the film's vituperative dialog by Evelina Fernández, wife of the director, Jose Luis Valenzuela, is so preachy and stilted that it's hard to take offense. It's equally difficult to get interested in any of the clichéd characters.

The story concerns the love lives of 4 Chicano women (played by Marta DuBois, Angela Moya, Dyana Ortelli and Evelina Fernández) in LA. Living in what looks like the lap of luxury, they have nothing better to talk about than the size of male private parts. The belief is that whites have the smallest. We also learn that whites only date Chicanos in order to feel superior.

Another topic of conversation is whether a Jewish man qualifies for the full racial hatred that they reserve for whites. It's a split decision. Andrea is particularly embarrassed for having had sex with a Jewish lawyer (Scott Bakula). (When she explains to him that she has never dated a Jew, he comes up with one of the movie's few jokes. "Jew are now," he tells us. Ugh.)

When Andrea is confronted with the inconsistency of her attacks on whites, most unprintable, and her dating a Jewish male, she shows the usual chip on her shoulder. "It's not a chip, it's a boulder," she boasts to her friends. And the film, which has all of the production values of a TV movie of the week, never moves beyond such childish diatribes. If you're going to fill a film with insults, at least write them a little more convincingly.

LUMINARIAS runs a long 1:40. It is rated R for language and sexuality and would be acceptable, although certainly not recommended, for high school seniors and older.

Email: Steve.Rhodes@InternetReviews.com Web: http://www.InternetReviews.com

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