# Real McCoy, The (1993)

### reviewed by
E. Benjamin Kelsey

    THE REAL MCCOY
    (PG-13)

    Directed by Russell Mulcahy
    Running Time: 105 minutes
    Originally Released: 1993

    Reviewed by E. Benjamin Kelsey

    * ½ (out of four)

A suave, cool, collected, rich, uptight bad guy = cliche. A clumsy criminal oaf to add to the laughs = cliche. A bad guy who owns a wild animal = cliche. A crooked, chauvinistic law enforcer type = cliche. At an intense moment, our main character tries to get away, but the car has trouble starting = cliche. Complaining about cliches = cliche.

Ok, ok. So we always hear about cliches. But if there was ever to be a prime example, THE REAL MCCOY is it! Not one uttered word, not one frame of film, not one character in this whole movie isn't a cut and paste example of everything we've ever seen. They might as well use this as a training film: "How to Make a Bank Robbery Film in the 90's".

Karen McCoy (Kim Basinger) is a bank robber who just got out on parole after a six-year stay at the state prison. She wants to make things right and go straight, especially with the fact that she has a six-year old son out there who doesn't even know she's alive. Aware of McCoy's bank robbing expertise, sniveling bad guy Jack Schmidt (Terence Stamp) uses the same six-year old to coerce McCoy into returning to her past. He wants McCoy to pull off an elaborate heist of 18+ million dollars at the same bank she got caught trying to rob six years earlier, which, by the way, is somehow due to Schmidt. And if she refuses? Who knows what he'll do to the kid. (Cue sinister laughter)

This movie is so pathetically pitiful that it's hard to know where to begin. The aforementioned cliches are brutally abundant. I can't stress enough how every single element, whether it be a character, the dialogue, a plot "twist", etc., is so damn generic that you'll wonder if *anyone* is working behind the scenes, let alone in front of the camera. Basinger is absolutely vacant. And where do they get off trying to make us emotionally attached to her? Here's someone that spent their time robbing banks, and now as she heads onto the street, we're supposed to feel sorry for her. As she confronts her son, who doesn't even know who she is, are we supposed to break into tears?? Especially when neither Basinger nor Zach English, who plays the kid, has any depth or emotional-radiance whatsoever.

I suppose I should mention Val Kilmer. Yeah, that's right - he's in it! Quite sadly too, seeing as how I can discuss everything about the movie and never mention his name. And he got second billing! To be fair, I will admit that Kilmer had potential in his role as the bumbling criminal wannabe J.T. Barker. Unfortunately the script doesn't allow much room for improvement, and when his character is used like bookends (he never shows up in the middle of the film!), we have no time to appreciate what he might have brought to this project.

THE REAL MCCOY just can't keep it's head above water, and soon, *very* soon, sinks into a cliched mess of movie. The actors are like dummies being moved about by an unenthusiastic puppeteer, and the dialogue, particularly Schmidt's trite dialogue, falls like the Niagra. This is definitely one to avoid, folks. THE REAL MCCOY is anything but!

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