# Bats (1999/I)

### reviewed by
Brian Matherly

    Bats (1999)
    Reviewed by Brian Matherly
    *1/2 out of *****

Cast: Dina Meyer, Lou Diamond Phillips, Leon, Bob Gunton, Carlos Jacott Written by: John Logan Directed by: Louis Morneau Running Time: 91 minutes

                   *** The Following Review Contains Spoilers ***

"...because I'm a scientist. That's what we do!" --- Dr. Alexander McCabe (Bob Gunton), in response to why he created evil bats.

Alright folks, stop me if you've heard this one: genetically altered animals wreak havoc on a town and a small band of locals, assisted by a specialist in the particular animal's field, must team up to stop the mutant creatures before they can multiply and spread across the earth. Oh yeah, the military is on their way to bomb the town as well, so they are running short on time. Sound familiar? Such is the plot of the Destination Films release of Bats.

Dina Meyer stars as the "bat specialist" Sheila, who is pulled from her research (along with her annoying sidekick, played with irritating deftness by Leon) in order to help a small Texas town figure out why some local citizens and animals have been chewed to death recently. With the help of the local sheriff (Lou Diamond Phillips), a CDC official (Carlos Jacott), and a scientist (Bob Gunton), Sheila discovers it is indeed bats (who have been genetically altered by Gunton's character to be more aggressive and omnivorous, in order to be used as a military weapon!).

I have to say here that I knew exactly what I was getting into going into this film. There's not a frame of promotional footage I have seen for the film that would have led me to believe it was going to be any good. In this respect, the film never disappointed me. This film reaches a level that transcends the "so bad it's good" level and borders on the downright insane. The effects are awful, the script is contrived, and for most of the feature I was laughing at things that were supposed to be taken seriously (I think). I challenge anyone to sit through the scene, where a bat stalks a baby in a crib while another bat terrorizes a patron eating at a diner, with a straight face.

Thankfully, the performances are as good as they can be considering the material the actors had to perform with. Dina Meyer has always been the highlight of any of the films she has been in (Johnny Mnemonic, Dragonheart, and Starship Troopers... the latter being the only film out of that batch with any actual merit), and this one is no exception. While one never really gets the impression that Meyer's character could be a bat expert in reality, one never really cares to doubt it either. She gives as good a performance as could be expected, plus she's nice to look at for an hour and a half. Lou Diamond Phillips is also serviceable here, as the small town sheriff turned eventual hero. Although when we first meet his character he knows bats are the reason for what's going on in town, for some reason later on he suddenly becomes amazed to learn that the actual cause of the deaths in town are because of bats. The only bad performance in the film is that of Leon's. He is relegated to the "I'm not sticking around here!" character and proceeds to repeat variations of that line for the majority of the film even though he stays.

Anyone who can't immediately tell that Bob Gunton (the bad guy in Patch Adams and countless other films) is going to eventually turn on the gang and side with his creations before his eminent death will probably be surprised, but I highly doubt it. Even if he hadn't been the villain in just about every film he's ever been in, so many obvious hints are given to indicate the devious act that it holds no shock whatsoever. In fact, his death is welcome, because it finally starts moving the plot towards the finale.

If the plot doesn't sound ridiculous to you yet, then check out these little tidbits: A multitude of bats inexplicably disperses when a police officer cocks his pistol. An entire town disregards the sheriff and doctor's orders to stay indoors after a curfew is instigated, causing mass hysteria when the bats come out in full force, killing several townsfolk. A government official blows off Shelia's instructions (to wait until dawn to install a cooling unit in the bats' cave that will kill all of them off) by pulling a night job, resulting in the death of an entire military unit. A cavern full of bat feces never ignites when a phosphorus flare is lit right in the middle of it. Finally, to top it all off, this little Texas town is showing Nosferatu in it's single screen theater (for reference, our town has over a million people in it with nearly 150 movie screens, and we're lucky to even get Kevin Smith's Dogma).

The most laughable part of the movie though comes from the ill-conceived bat puppets. While the actual bat attack scenes are shot with rapid fire editing (making the scenes nearly impossible to comprehend what's going on), the scenes where a bat is called upon to interact with a live actor are usually shot more low-key. Therefore we the audience get loving close-ups of the most unrealistic, rubbery bat puppets ever committed to film. Being able to see the puppeteer's arms would be the only things that could have made these creations worse.

After all of this, if you still decide Bats might be the movie for you, don't say you haven't been warned. Trust me when I say that it's a lot more fun to trash than it is to sit through. I just wish that Dina Meyer would be cast in more roles or at least choose better films to appear in. She's definitely a talent that is going to waste in films like these.

    [PG-13]

Brian Matherly -- bmath2000@hotmail.com

The Jacksonville Film Journal URL:http://users.southeast.net/~chuckd21/

© 1999 of The Jacksonville Film Journal. No reviews may be reprinted without permission.

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