# House! (2000)

### reviewed by
Ian Waldron-Mantgani

     House!     **1/2

Rated on a 4-star scale Screening venue: Warner Village (Birkenhead Conway Park) Released in the UK by Pathé on May 5, 2000; certificate 15; 89 minutes; country of origin UK; aspect ratio 2.35:1

Directed by Julian Kemp; produced by Michael Kelk. Written by Jason Sutton; based on an idea by Eric Styles. Photographed by Kjell Vassdal; edited by Jonathan Rudd.

    CAST.....
    Kelly MacDonald..... Linda
    Mossie Smith..... Kay
    Jason Hughes..... Gavin
    Freddie Jones..... Mr. Anzani
    Miriam Margolyes..... Beth

Bingo is one of the most boring and aimless pastimes there is. How it became popular with elderly people in this country is beyond me. They've had so much experience of life that surely they know of something to do that's more interesting, and less cheesy. Why do they spend their evenings in garish halls, listening to lounge performers calling out random numbers?

It's probably just as well, then, that the focus of "House!" is an attractive young lady named Linda, played by Kelly MacDonald, who you will remember from "Trainspotting" (1996). She gets our attention even in the ugly atmosphere of La Scala, a damp and creaky building that's been a music hall and a cinema, but now just caters to the bingo players.

The owner, Mr. Anzani (Freddie Jones), remembers fondly his days as a film projectionist in the same place, telling stories about the wonders of Fellini and Lang. "I'd still like to think we offer more than just bingo," he says, and indeed between games he engages the patrons in friendly chit-chat and cooks them spaghetti from a family recipe. But the personal touch just won't cut it: A quick drive away, a huge new bingo hall is set to open, with celebrity guests, bright lighting and a huge car park. La Scala offers dust and dry rot.

Linda, who works as an usher, is getting worried about whether the place can survive, when she discovers a sort of telepathic ability. In any bingo game, when she thinks of a number, it comes up! If she can use this to win the £1million star prize in an important national tournament, then her own security, as well as that of her place of business, is guaranteed. I don't know why she doesn't just play the National Lottery and bugger off to the Caribbean with the jackpot, but hey, to each his own.

The problem with "House!" is that its good parts cancel each other out and its bad parts are just plain bad. There are some involving passages of dialogue and glimpses at the drab locations -- the ambience of "The Full Monty" is achieved once or twice, if not the genius. Then again, one of the things which keeps the film interesting is exactly what spoils that drama, and that's the way the director, Julian Kemp, uses flashy camera and editing tricks to bring his picture to life. Consider an early, obligatory scene in which Linda speaks to The Guy She's Always Loved But Has Never Made A Move On, and Kemp flash-cuts between tiny hand and eye gestures. The technique turns a would-be clichéd conversation into something intense and passionate. Directing the story in the same manner, however, just causes obstruction.

It's also pretty hard to enjoy a movie whose climax hinges on a bingo game. It needs to charm our pants off before we set aside enough prejudice to put up with it. There's no way "House!" can do that when it's being cluttered by such annoying things as the performance of Mossie Smith. She plays one of Linda's co-workers, an obese woman in tight-fitting clothes who reminded me of those "You're too large to dress sexy!" episodes of Ricki Lake. Smith delivers her lines in a flat, rambling monotone without ever emphasising any particular word, with a combination of smug grin and miserable wince, and eyes stretched open to the size of tennis balls.

This could have been an okay picture if the filmmakers had cleared away some of the obvious dreck, and then decided what kind of movie they wanted to make -- hyperactive stylised piece or sweet British comedy? Interestingly enough, "House" was also the title of a very successful horror movie when I was growing up. If they'd thrown in some of THAT, things would really have been interesting! Consistency be damned!

COPYRIGHT(c) 2000 Ian Waldron-Mantgani Please visit, and encourage others to visit, the UK Critic's website, which is located at http://members.aol.com/ukcritic

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