# Mystery, Alaska (1999)

### reviewed by
Steve Rhodes

    MYSTERY, ALASKA
    A film review by Steve Rhodes
    Copyright 1999 Steve Rhodes
    RATING (0 TO ****):  * 1/2

Potatoes. The secret weapon of the rag-tag group of adults who play hockey in the extremely remote village of Mystery, Alaska is the lowly potato. Heated they can be shoe warmers, and cold they can be used to plan plays. The juvenile R-rated comedy MYSTERY, ALASKA would have been more aptly named, THE MIGHTY DUCKS 4: NORTH TO ALASKA.

A putative comedy that includes all the well-worn sport clichés, it tries hard to be a poignant tale as well about the bleakness and hardships of living in the far north. At neither a comedy nor a drama does it come close to succeeding.

Even in the obligatory big game ending, the movie fails miserably. Containing one of the most poorly filmed hockey sequences you could imagine, it manages to be both confusing and boring. Basically, we see the puck in close-up shot back and forth ad nauseam until one team, thank god, is finally declared the winner.

Director Jay Roach, whose only other film credits are the AUSTIN POWERS series, seems as lost with the material as if he wandered off into a blizzard. MYSTERY, ALASKA is so clumsily directed that it gives support for those who say that the real director of the AUSTIN POWERS movies was the star himself, MIKE MYERS.

The setup for the story is that an article in Sports Illustrated ("The Roots of Hockey") propels the local team into national prominence. As a publicity stunt, the New York Rangers come to town to challenge them to a single game of "pond hockey." ("We don't know who they are or what they are," says the national newscaster, as the way the network plans on promoting the game. "We just know they have poor dental health and can skate like the wind.")

The town, for reasons that are never made plausible, only wants to play if they can actually beat the pros. "Two things we've always had: our dignity and our illusions," Judge Burns (Burt Reynolds) lectures the town's citizens. "I suggest we cling to them both." Other members of the large cast include Hank Azaria, Russell Crowe, Mary McCormack, Lolita Davidovich, Ron Eldard, Colm Meaney and Maury Chaykin.

Typical of what passes for humor in the movie is a scene in the locker room in which the coach, the town's sheriff, tells the players, "You guys know what you're made of!" The youngest member of the team then proceeds to puke.

In the long chasm between the setup and the big game, we have to witness constant bickering among the locals. The film's R rating stems mainly from sexual humor that is included, one supposes, as a way to juice up the script. Too bad. Released as a PG-13 film, they could attract preteen set, which might have lower standards as to what constitutes comedy.

So is anything funny? Yes. There are two cameo appearances: One actor provides a little color commentary during the game and the other sings the national anthem. I will not give either away since the names of these individuals, not the script, provide most of the laughs.

MYSTERY, ALASKA runs a long 1:58. It is rated R for language and sexuality and would be acceptable for teenagers.

Email: Steve.Rhodes@InternetReviews.com Web: http://www.InternetReviews.com

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