# Baby Geniuses (1999)

### reviewed by
Steve Rhodes

    BABY GENIUSES
    A film review by Steve Rhodes
    Copyright 1999 Steve Rhodes
    RATING (0 TO ****):  0

Some comedies are not funny no matter how hard they try, but BABY GENIUSES, easily one of the worst films in years, doesn't even try that often. Directed by Bob Clark (PORKY'S and PORKY'S 2), the film is a flat as the flat line on a heart monitor when the patient has died, something this comatose picture does in the very beginning.

The plot revolves around a secret experimental lab for toddlers run by Elena Kinder. I regret to inform you that a woman who has taken the name of the once talented Kathleen Turner plays Elena Kinder. This would-be Kathleen Turner overacts with such abandon that her performance could only work in a parody, which this movie isn't. She is aided by a overly serious guy named Heep, who is played by someone having the same name as Christopher Lloyd from the BACK TO THE FUTURE series.

Although the movie is shot in ugly, dark and sinister tones that would befit a horror movie about demonic babies, the movie does not intentionally try to scare us. The actors, who drone with all the emotive power of someone reading the phonebook, do get to participate in a few comic sketches, with repetitive injuries of the gonads being the most common.

The moronic script by the writing committee of Steven Paul, Francisca Matos, Robert Grasmere, Bob Clark and Greg Michael is an insult to human intelligence. The on-going joke in the movie is that the viewers get to understand baby talk. And what do these almost 2-year-old "babies" actually say to each other? Well, they discuss the "Jerry Springer Show" and theories for reducing a family's disposable income. These toddlers are among the most unfunny in the history of cinema.

"You idiots! You imbeciles! You morons!" Kinder screams at her employees. You may feel like yelling those exact words at the screen.

BABY GENIUSES runs 1:34. It is rated PG for some profanity, sexual innuendo and comic fist fighting violence and would be acceptable for most ages.

My son Jeffrey, almost 10, liked the characters and gave the movie ***. His friend Jessica, almost 10, thought the movie was really cute and gave it ***. Her brother George, age 7, especially liked the baby karate part and gave the movie ***.

Email: Steve.Rhodes@InternetReviews.com Web: www.InternetReviews.com

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