# Murderers' Row (1966)

### reviewed by
Afterburner

    Review of:
    MURDERER'S ROW (1966)

    Review written:  1/24/98
    Copyright 1998 Afterburner
    Email me at:  aburner@erols.com

Rating (out of 10): N/A. See review for further details.

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            Matt Helm is back!

MURDERER'S ROW (1966) is the second of the four Matt Helm movies. For those who haven't seen any of them, the Matt Helm movies answer the question "What if Hugh Hefner (founder and publisher of Playboy Magazine) had been a secret agent on the side?" Dean Martin plays Matt Helm, an affable, boozing photographer of scantily-clad women who works for "Slaymate" magazine. But that's just a cover! The truth is that Helm is *really* an affable, boozing, super-competent secret agent who works for the Intelligence Counter Espionage (ICE) organization.

Before we go further, I should point out that the Matt Helm movies are all pretty bad. But they're wonderfully bad, and they're great, cheezy, campy fun. I tend to speak glowingly of the Matt Helm movies because I enjoy them for their over-the-top campiness, but more serious-minded viewers will probably be turned off.

            But enough of that.

MURDERER'S ROW opens with a scene of Washington, DC. Suddenly, two beams of light appear out of nowhere, and within minutes, DC is a charred wasteland. But wait! It was all just a prop; a demonstration by the evil "Big O" organization of their nefarious plans. The *real* DC will be toast as soon as "Big O" can torture a few essential equations out of kidnapped scientist Norman Solaris. But just to be on the safe side, several top secret agents need to be rubbed out, and this task is given to Ironhead (Tom Reese), a fellow with a big steel plate on his noggin.

Well, as fate would have it, Our Hero is among the secret agents slated to be greased, and it looks as though "Big O" is successful at killing him by boiling him alive in his own swimming-pool-sized bathtub. But of course, it's all just a ruse. Helm is still alive. He faked his death so that he could investigate "Big O" unmolested. And thereafter follows the usual spy stuff, with Helm meeting bad guys, rescuing damsels in distress, and so forth.

Of the four Matt Helm movies, this one has the most "Austin Powers" feel about it. Several scenes involve Dean Martin (never a big fan of rock and roll, or the people who sang it) in a discotheque, getting jostled around by teenagers doing the Frug, and getting called "Dad" by the young hipsters. Other scenes involve protracted shots of Ann-Margaret (playing the daughter of the kidnapped scientist) dancing wildly in a very '60s fashion. (I kept hearing the line "This is my happening, and it really freaks me out!" over and over in my head during these scenes.)

Of the cast, the best acting job is done by (believe it or not) Karl Malden, doing the Blofeld role as Julian Wall, head of "Big O." Malden chews up the scenery left and right, and clearly has a blast doing it. Of the rest of the acting, the less said, the better. :)

            Several notable scenes and props in this movie include:

* A talking bottle of booze that activates when Helm tries to drink it (his bosses knew he'd go there first). * A gun with a 5-second, time delay trigger. Pull the trigger and it won't go off for five seconds. * A nifty hovercraft battle. * Some of the worst fight scenes ever committed to celluloid. The fight between Helm and Ironhead on the hovercraft is particularly laughable. * The line "I demand an explanation for this nocturnal assignation."

If you're looking for a quality, thoughtful film, avoid MURDERER'S ROW like the plague. But if you're a fan of camp, MURDERER'S ROW is right up your alley. (And if you've seen other Matt Helm movies, I'd rank MURDERER'S ROW as 3rd best of the four movies.)

            Have fun.

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