# Astronaut's Wife, The (1999)

### reviewed by
Berge Garabedian

    THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE
    RATING: 5 / 10 --> Not a good movie

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Johnny Depp is a great looking man. In fact, gun forced to my head, I would absolutely "do the man" without any qualms, despite the fact that I do not naturally swing that way. Charlize Theron...beautiful woman. Reminds me a little of Mrs. JoBlo, as a matter of fact. Both pretty good actors in their own right, with Depp certainly racking up a diverse repertoire of parts. Oh, the movie, you say? Well, it's not good.

PLOT: An astronaut loses contact with earth for two minutes while floating around in space. Upon his return, his wife and others notice that he has become somewhat "different". Over time, we begin to suspect that an extraterrestrial may be inside the poor bastard.

CRITIQUE: What can I say...this movie's trailer wins the annual award for "The Best Trailer Giving Away Everything, And I Do Mean, Everything, That Is Going To Happen In A Movie!" (With DOUBLE JEOPARDY finishing a close second!). It's unfortunate because there may have been a couple of things that would have surprised me otherwise, but I guess the marketing geniuses at New Line Cinema figured that it would be more beneficial for people to know EXACTLY what is going to happen in the film, without even seeing it!? Good move, guys. That aside, the film is not a horrible watch, in fact Depp and Theron certainly pull out some decent performances, with Depp hamming it up via his Elvis accent, and the blonde streaks in his hair. Theron's role seemed similar to her role in the much better DEVIL'S ADVOCATE (8/10) film, with her deteriorating over time, and crying a lot. Having said that, she does it very well, and she sure is nice to look at. The story of this film seemed ambitious, but unfortunately for us, it basically goes nowhere. In fact, count yourself lucky if you haven't seen the preview of this film, for you will not have seen 95% of the movie like the rest of us.

The film itself plods along at a pretty slow pace, doesn't offer any real tension or intrigue (Just a couple of "easy scare" scenes with people popping out of nowhere), and is choked with plot holes. In fact, we never really know why the extraterrestrial has come to earth, what his plans are, or how Depp seems to show up every time that something that he doesn't like is happening. The ending is also very stupid, with a twist which I personally could have done without. And if you're grooving to see this movie because of any special effects, forget about it right now, there are probably more in DUDLEY DO-RIGHT. All in all, this movie is not a horrible movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it's basically just "there". If you like the two main actors, or love watching really great looking people get paid millions of dollars to act on the big screen while you pay for their kid's tuition, then by all means, go see this movie. Otherwise, wait for it on video, sit around and watch it with your drunk friends, and have a blast making fun of all the gaping holes in the script.

Either that, or try to figure out which of the two actors is the prettier? Depp or Theron? Theron or Depp? Or try your luck at our Johnny Depp Movie Trivia Quiz (http://www.joblo.com/youdontknowshiteaboutmovies21.htm).

Little Known Facts about this film and its stars: Charlize Theron's mother killed her father with a gun one night, after he got drunk and began abusing her again. The mother was charged, but received not time in jail, after she was found to have been acting in "self-defense". The father had apparently been an abusive husband for years on end. Charlize was 10 years old at the time. He was French, she is of German heritage. Charlize was born and grew up in South Africa, where she is now doing TV promos against rape. At the age of 18, Charlize's mom convinced her to go Los Angeles to try a career in the movie industry. She came to LA without knowing anyone in the city but after two weeks when she was standing in line on Hollywood Boulevard an agent gave her his card. After eight months in LA, she got her first part. Johnny Depp has dated several young starlets in Hollywood including Winona Ryder, Sherilyn Fenn, Jennifer Grey (pre-nose operation which changed who she was!), Kate Moss and actress/singer Vanessa Paradis from France. He most recently sired a child from Paradis. It was a daughter whom they named Lily-Rose Melody Depp. He likes to call himself "Mr. Stench". Johnny's full name is John Christopher Depp III. He was born in Kentucky and has been featured on a rock album from the British band, Oasis. Depp played lead slide guitar on the track, "Fade In-Out", after Oasis' own lead guitarist was too drunk to perform it himself. Depp stepped in and nailed the lead on one take. This is director Rand Radish's directorial film debut. He was known previously as a writer, having written the screenplays for such films as CANDYMAN 2: FAREWELL TO THE FLESH and THE MAKER. The two twins in this film are played by Cole and Dylan Sprouse, the same kids who played the one character of Julian in this summer's other comedy BIG DADDY (7/10). Actress Clea DuVall has no relation to great actor Robert Duvall. Her full name is Clea Helen D'etienne DuVall.

    Review Date:        August 28, 1999
    Director:                Rand Radish
    Writer:                    Rand Radish
    Producer:              Andrew Lazar
    Actors:                   Johnny Depp as Spencer Armacost
                                   Charlize Theron as Jillian Armacost
                                   Clea DuVall as Nan
    Genre:                    Thriller
    Year of Release:   1999
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    (c) 1999 Berge Garabedian

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