# Jingle All the Way (1996)

### reviewed by
Andrew Hicks

    JINGLE ALL THE WAY
    A film review by Andrew Hicks
    Copyright 1998 Andrew Hicks

    (1996) *1/2 (out of four)

I admit it. I thought Arnold Schwarzenegger had a knack for comedy when he made TWINS and TRUE LIES. Watching him in JINGLE ALL THE WAY, I wondered why anyone ever thought he could carry such a lame movie targeted at susceptible kids. It was one thing to scare the crap out of kids with the PG-13 KINDERGARTEN COP, but parents who let small children see this movie will have to explain themes of violence, alcohol consumption, burglary, racism and child molestation. And you know they'll burst out in tears when Arnold punches one of Santa's elves. He later decks a reindeer. Hey, man, why don't you just kick the Easter Bunny in the nuts while you're at it?

JINGLE ALL THE WAY is formula crap that follows the If Someone Falls On His Ass, It Must Be Funny school of thought. Arnold, Sinbad and Phil Hartman crash to the ground more times in this movie than a Special Olympics hockey team, and the movie dredges up more cliche and less believability with each successive scene. What can you expect from a movie whose entire premise is that two parents can't find a rare toy on Christmas Eve, and will do anything to get one?

Arnold is, of course, one of the parents, a crack salesman who is never there for his son. He races from the office to his son's karate game, only to find out he missed it. And his kid distrusts him because he's never around. (Gee, we haven't seen THAT in a movie before.) Arnold the Absentee Father becomes convinced that the only way to buy back his son's affection is to get him a Turboman doll, which his wife (Rita Wilson, who will never be the breadwinner of the Hanks household choosing roles like this) told him to get weeks ago. So Arnold sets out to find a Turboman, which turns out to be more rare than the Tickle Me Elmo was when JINGLE ALL THE WAY came out.

Let me back up for a minute here -- Arnold's kid is totally obsessed with this Turboman character, which is unhealthy beyond belief. Watches the show, eats the cereal, sleeps on the freakin' Turboman sheets. I'd try to discourage any further obsession myself, lest any kid seeing this movie think it's a wonderful thing to con your dad into racing out to buy you any toy you want. But nooooo, the climax of JINGLE ALL THE WAY has Arnold dressed up as Turboman in a parade, exonerating himself of all wrongdoing in the eyes of wife and son, who don't recognize him until the last minute.

This is a sad movie all the way through, but it only gets worse after the opening scenes of Arnold and mailman Sinbad stampeding through a store, racing off to the mall and hooking up with a Santa (Jim Belushi) who runs a bootleg toy factory. Most painful to watch is a scene at a radio station, where Sinbad holds off the cops with a letter bomb after beating up the deejay (an embarrassed Martin Mull) who said he was giving away a Turboman doll.

Capitalism has produced some pretty evil things (Chia pets), but this ode to excess and violent consumerism is one of the most shameful. Never mind the subplot with perfect neighbor Phil Hartman trying to seduce Wilson while Arnold is off shopping ("Your cookies are incredible"), it's the main plot of the movie that sends the message that it's okay to do whatever it takes to get your hands on what you want. Maybe that's what Christmas is like at the Schwarzenegger house, but not at mine.

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